Once Again
by Vanui
Summary: Valentines Day can only be a source of pain, but Homura re-finds her resolve to live again.


The school day was over, and all the sickening displays of affection and hearts decorating the school were finally out of her sight. She'd had enough of that, and her breath of relief couldn't have been taken too soon, even though she still had demon hunting to do that night. With a flick of her long and black hair, she briskly made her way down the sidewalk, determined to get away from all the love and chocolates littering the air.

Akemi Homura was normally not a petty girl. She did not care to pry into her classmates' affairs nor did she particularly care to get close to her demon-hunting partners, the only two people she could call acquaintances, though numerous timelines gave her an understanding of them that they did not know she had. So it was with surprise and self-disgust that she discovered the source of the small, stinging pain in her chest throughout the day was actually an emotion unfamiliar and foreign to her: jealousy.

And just this once, she allowed herself to indulge in envy.

"Is something wrong, Akemi Homura?" She felt her mouth twitch into a frown as she heard the innocent sounding voice speak into her mind. The last thing she wanted to deal with right now was Kyubey and his logical thought process which would surely mock the torrent of emotions in her heart at that moment. The Incubator slid into view, jumping onto her shoulder from a nearby building and landing with practiced ease.

"There is nothing to worry about," she briskly stated, swallowing a lump in her throat she hadn't known was there. Perhaps this whole day bothered her more than she thought. They made their way down the rest of the street in silence, and as they went further and further on, Homura found she did not wish to return to the confines of her empty apartment yet. She walked past the park, the fountain, all the way past the bustling residential area, letting her feet take her wherever they willed.

A little while later, the magical girl concluded that her subconscious was attached to her jealousy, and that was the reason why she had ended up on this particular bridge. For once upon a time, in a timeline when her despair was getting the better of her, her ray of hope had brought her to this very bridge with a smile that glowed in the evening sun, innocent joy radiating in the simple pleasure of showing a friend a place of beauty. The river running beneath the structure was as stunning as she recalled, but...

But everything seemed to become dull, grayer, even lifeless now.

"Was there a purpose in coming here, Akemi Homura?" Kyubey asked. She jumped when she heard its voice, having completely forgotten about his presence. For a moment, she entertained the thought that it was because of this Incubator that everything seemed to lose its luster; however, she quickly threw that quick thought aside. No excuses.

"My business is my business. Now leave me alone." Her voice left no room for argument, and the Incubator seemed to sense this. It blinked twice, jumping off her shoulder a second later and sprinting away. It had better things to do than babysit a magical girl brooding on a bridge.

Suddenly, she was aware of the deafening silence around herself, how very alone she was when surrounded by only the faint rustle of wind and the glistening river. It was odd to feel alone, a reminder of those countless failed timelines, but to be alone now in a world that had been saved from immediate destruction was strange. There was no rush, no intense worry and need to countdown til Walpurgisnacht night, and yet that feeling of isolation remained. No one could understand what she had gone through. No one would believe her if she tried to tell it. No one, save for one person...

Who was gone anyways, for all the blood and tears she had shed.

The jealousy brought forth a particularly painful pang in her chest this time, and she merely closed her eyes and relished the pain of being alive. Watching all her classmates, ignorant of the sacrifices made for their happiness, enjoy the day of celebrating their loved ones...

It wasn't fair.

Yes, that feeling was childish and petty, but she felt as if she had a right to feel that way. Knowing all those torturous timelines, all those deaths she had witnessed and learning that the entire experience was for naught anyways, it killed her inside. What did she have now? For what was she living for?

"Because you sacrificed yourself for this world, I'll protect it." But those words weren't enough. Saying them aloud wasn't enough. Was she arrogant enough to think that she, Akemi Homura, for all her failures and inability to save the one person she loved, would be enough to protect this world and fight all the sinful hate harbored within it?

She gripped the cold railing of the bridge, noting her knuckles turning white and pale. The sparkling river seemed to mock her with its beauty, taunting her with one of the few good memories that remained from her hellish experience. Even now, she could see her small frame alive with energy and brightness, pulling her hand away from the railing and gripping it in her delicate hands, pink hair bouncing as she dragged the black-haired girl to the end of the bridge.

And for a split second, the hand in hers seemed to be warm with life.

"Madoka." Her eyes went impossibly wide, her hands immediately folding over the ghostly ones in her grip, willing the moment to be real and not a dream. The hands held their form. Then the short-haired Madoka she had known all her life glowed, her school uniform changing into a flowing pink and white dress, her hair growing to ethereal lengths.

"Hello, Homura-chan," she smiled, and Homura felt that pang in her chest again. "I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer alone all this time." A panic seized her, and her heart hammered in her chest.

"No! No, I'm the one that should be sorry. You're busy saving every magical girl out there by yourself. I have no right to be complaining," she refuted. The familiar sensation of tears gathered in the corner of her eyes, and she hurriedly blinked them out of the way. She couldn't cry now. A sad sort of smile settled on the pink-haired girl's face, and Madoka gently pried one hand loose from Homura's desperate grip. It settled on Homura's cheek, caressing and wiping away a tear that had escaped.

"But I'm not really alone, Homura-chan. Not when every time I check on you, you're only thinking of me and wishing for me." The goddess's long hair seemed unnaturally still in the wake of the wind that blew Homura's long locks back. "Just know now that I'm always thinking of you too, Homura-chan." The hand in her grip seemed to get colder. "You can't join me yet, but one day, we will be together, okay?"

"You're leaving already?" A lump seemed to be lodged in her throat, one that she couldn't swallow away. The sad smile appeared again, and everything started to blur as Homura let the tears escape and fall.

"I've never left. Every time you think of me, I'll always be next to you. So don't cry, Homura-chan. Please don't cry." A choked sob and then a strangled sort of wail followed. Homura threw her arms around the goddess in one swift motion and buried her face in the crook of Madoka's neck. She clutched the heavenly uniform in her hands with desperate abandon, willing the material to stay real for just a second longer, or a minute, or an hour...

But she wasn't a child. She wasn't petty. She knew what she had to do.

"Goodbye, Madoka." She tried to say it, but it came out in a sort of gurgle. Madoka understood anyway.

"We'll meet again, Homura-chan." And Homura tried her best to believe in the promise, because Madoka wouldn't break it. Because ever-so-loving Madoka wouldn't let her down. So for now, she had to live, no matter how much she wanted to be spirited away and join Madoka in her realm. Homura had her own promise to keep.

"Then... until we meet again, Madoka."

A smile, bright as the sun and just as brilliant. She tried her best to return it.

The material in her hands seemed to fade away into nothingness, and the goddess followed suit, disappearing with the setting sun. The image tore away at her heartstrings, her inability to do nothing as Madoka left her again, her warmth gone. Yet even as her heart broke a third time, her resolve strengthened, and so she watched Madoka leave with sharp eyes, committing the scene to memory.

Three words danced at the tip of her tongue.

She swallowed them.

"Until we meet again."

* * *

><p>AN: Hey all. Just wanted to write something quick and try my hand at the Madoka fandom. Happy Valentines Day! Sorry if this fic kind of made your day get a little angsty though...

Thanks to Nishizono for PRing. You rock, man.


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